i wonder if these few and far apart brief moments of closeness will be the thing that matters the most.
i cant not look for you in other people. the only one i want to be with is you. youre the default and everyone else is slightly off in some way. i try to do things with my days. some days i spend by myself too, and i feel pretty ok. i dont cry every day anymore. i practice by acting normal when youre name comes up in conversation, i practice saying it without smiling, to help make my brain get less used to the thought of you. i try to not think about you so much anymore, i know it wont lead to anything.
tonight was one of those nights were i guess i missed you more. i wanted to call you, but knowing whats best for me, i called B instead. the stupid thing about that, was that our conversation ended in a strange way and i think i only managed to make myself more confused. i wish i could see it from another perspective, see things clearer. im sure it makes better sense from the other side. its getting harder and harder to tell the difference between As and Bs. theyre floating together and i cant see whats true and fair. re-inacted senarios are clouding up my mind.
deleting you off my contacts and suddenly seeing your number on my screen, i didnt even believe my eyes. talking to you like everything was ok for 2.51.
how sad is it that my heart still skips a beat, when i hear i get a text, and think that maybe maybe maybe it could be from you and it is nothing more than advertisement from my cell phone provider?